Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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