I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
