A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
