I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
