I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize