You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
