Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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