So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
