If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
