I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
