I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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