omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
