I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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