I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
