party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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