So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
