How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
