When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
