She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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