This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
