doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
