Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
