We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
