So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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