today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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