Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
