My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Panties = found
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
