just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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