are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
