I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize