So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
