direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
