You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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