toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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