we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
