we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
