I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
