you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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