I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
