I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
