I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
