i was born a porn star she said
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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