He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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