that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
