The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize