His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
