she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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