It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize