when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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