the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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