Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
