Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
