Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
