When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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