Its about making memories worth repressing
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
