I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
