Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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