The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
