Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
