My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
