I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
