Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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