You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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