sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
