Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
