he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
