i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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