I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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