wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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