I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
