she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
