In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
