im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize