weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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