**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
