Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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